Hearts Without Chains
by divergentandproudofit
Summary: After getting shot, Tris is lying comatose in the Bureau's hospital, while everyone else struggles to put things back in order. Will Tris ever wake up, or will Four be forced to deal with the fallout of a hasty decision alone? Allegiant alternate ending. Rated T for a reason.
1. Prologue

**A/N: The story starts out using part of the actual chapter from the book (pg. 489) but switches to my own writing halfway through. I don't own, so don't shoot me. Enjoy!**

**Tobias**

We drive past the fences and stop by the front doors, which are no longer manned by guards. We get out of the truck, and Zeke seizes his mother's hand to steady her as she shuffles through the snow. As we walk into the compound, I know for a fact that Caleb succeeded, because there is no one in sight. That can only mean that they have been reset, their memories forever altered.

"Where is everyone?" Amar says.

We walk through the abandoned security checkpoint without stopping. On the other side, I see Cara. The side of her face is badly bruised, and there's a bandage on her head, but that's not what concerns me. What concerns me is the troubled look on her face.

"What is it?" I say.

Cara shakes her head.

"Where's Tris?" I say.

"I'm sorry, Tobias."

"Sorry about what?" Christina says roughly. "Tell us what _happened_!"

"Tris went into the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb," Cara says. "She survived the death serum, and set off the memory serum, but she... she was shot. She's in a coma, and we're not sure if she's going to make it or not. I'm so sorry." She sniffs and looks down at her shoes.

No.

No. NO. This isn't possible. Isn't real. Why the hell did she have to pick this moment to be selfless, after claiming that she was too selfish for Abnegation? I could lose her. She could die, and I could be left alone in this cruel, cruel world.

"I want to see her," Christina demands.

But all I'm doing is standing still.

It's all I can do.

.

A heart monitor beeps in the corner. Christina and I sit on either side of the hospital bed, both holding one of her hands. Silent tears drip down our face, but neither of us mentions them. In fact, we don't say anything at all- our silence says more than words could.

She's so pale and still in the bed, hooked up to tubes and machines that read her brain and pump her heart. When I see her, I can't help but think of Uriah, in an identical bed with his family standing around him. Uriah, who will never wake up because of what I did.

I have to believe she'll wake up. I'm holding on by a fragile thread as is, and giving up on her would push me over the edge.

The door opens. I look up. A doctor in a white coat is standing in the frame- he must have been a sympathizer, one they inoculated. He runs a hand through his wispy gray hair and stares at me over the glasses perched on his nose. I stare right back, unfazed by his air of arrogant superiority.

"I'm Dr. Smith, the head doctor. Are you her boyfriend?" he asks me. I nod. My throat hurts from keeping the emotion in.

"I'd like to talk with you for a second, if that's all right."

I get up, squeezing her hand one last time, and follow the doctor into an adjoining room, furnished with a metal desk and two chairs, on on either side. He gestures for me to sit down, but I ignore him and lean against the wall instead.

"What seems to be the problem, _doctor_?" I say with as much sarcasm as possible. I'm trying to hide what I'm really feeling from his prying eyes- I'm so scared he's going to say she'll never wake up, that they're going to unplug her like they will Uriah.

"Well, for starters," he says, " Ms. Prior appears to be in stable condition, although at this point it is unclear when she will regain consciousness- it could happen now, it could happen in two years. We really don't know."

The doctor doesn't say anything about the possibility that she won't wake up at all, and despite my wariness of him, I'm grateful. I slump against the wall in relief, but then the doctor says, "wait."

I straighten.

"There are other... complications, and we might need you to make some medical decisions on Ms. Prior's behalf."

What else could possibly be wrong? "If she's going to die, just tell me now," I say, my voice cracking despite my efforts.

Dr. Smith gives me a grim smile and clears his throat. "As I said, she's in stable condition. But in order to help her, it was necessary to run a few tests. And in doing so, we discovered that Ms. Prior is pregnant- not very far along, only a couple of days." He pauses to gauge my reaction.

I gasp in surprise, but my mind is racing. _Her lips on mine...the birds flying over her __collarbone__...salt skin and bright eyes...fingers scraping my tattoo..._

Oh my God.

It only happened once, right before I left for the city to inoculate Uriah's family. I'm only eighteen. Fuck, _she's _only sixteen. It's impossible.

Of course it's possible- it's a natural process, happens all the time. Once was enough.

I press a hand to my chest to calm my racing heart. Shakily, I sit down in the empty chair and rest my head in my hands.

"Are you all right, Mr. Eaton?" Dr. Smith inquires.

"Fine, thank you," I manage.

"Now, normally we would explain the options to both of you and let you talk them over, but given the extenuating circumstances, you may have to make a decision for her. There are three options- keep the baby, or give it up for adoption. Or, you may choose to abort it."

"Abort it? You mean...kill it?" The cool, calculating voice the doctor uses to deliver the information is next to unbearable. Black spots swim across my eyes- he's talking so casually about taking an innocent life- the life of someone who hasn't even been born yet.

A life that was never supposed to happen, but still.

_Think, Tobias. _What would Tris say, if she were here right now? I know she'd see an abortion as the equivalent of murder. But a child, and we're both so young...

Does it even matter? We were both Dauntless once, after all.

* * *

"_Age doesn't matter here," I say in response to the __Candor's__ question. She needs to learn to keep her mouth shut, or she's going to get cut. But it's true. Age isn't important. Dauntless die young, so things tend to happen earlier- weddings, families, promotions- then they do in other factions._

_Beside her, the Stiff watches me with a clear, steady eyed gaze that makes me want her closer._

_Who is she?_

* * *

"She'd want to keep it," I say. "I... I need some time to think about this."

"Of course," Dr. Smith says kindly, and despite his superior air I think I see pity in his eyes. I mutter a thank-you and slip out, leaving the door open. Through the windows, I can see that it's still snowing, thick fluffy flakes that pile on rooftops and trees and cement.

I walk back to the dormitory in a daze and collapse in a heap on Tris's bed. It still smells like her, like sweat and fresh air and home.

I need her to wake up.

I need her here with me.

_This is all my fault._


	2. Sometimes

**Musical inspiration for this chapter: Hearts Without Chains by Ellie Goulding and I Love You by Woodkid. **

**Three days later.**

**Tris**

_I am trapped here between two worlds, adrift in a strange, unfamiliar place. It's quiet here, and very cold and dark, but I'm not afraid, or at least I tell myself that I'm not. Sometimes I can hear voices, distorted as if heard through water, and a steady pounding that I know is my heart._  
_Sometimes, I see my family waiting for me on the other side, and Will and Marlene and everyone else I know who died in the war. _Come with us, _they say, smiling and reaching out to me. Sometimes, I try to run to them, but an invisible wall always stops me. The only way through is guarded by a tall man with dark blue eyes, both familiar and frightening. Sometimes he's an intimidating Abnegation man my father's age, slapping a belt against his __meaty__ palm. Sometimes he's a __heartbreakingly__ beautiful boy not much older than I am, with tattoo ink curling around his neck and a brooding, mournful gaze. The thought of approaching him makes me nervous, so I stay away._

_I am trapped between two worlds, one light and one dark, and I don't know which is which._

.

**Tobias**

_I open the door to the hospital room, expecting to see her pale and cold, unchanged. __Teetering__ on the edge of death. Instead, I see her propped up against the pillows, a healthy flush in her cheeks. I'm so overjoyed to find her alive and awake that it takes me a second to see that she's holding a bundle of grey blankets. She smiles and I run to her, but that's when I notice the man standing next to her. Tall, with __graying__ hair and dark blue eyes- it's Marcus. He smirks at me and takes the bundle away from Tris. I try to warn her, but it's like I'm invisible- she can't see me or hear me. Marcus sets the bundle aside_.

_"Watch," he says._

_And then I _am _him, my hands are locking around Tris's neck, she's screaming and I'm trying to stop myself but I no longer have control. I can only watch helplessly as the breath leaves her body and the light leaves her eyes._

_Her last word is my name._

_The bundle starts to cry, and I see that it's a baby. But something's wrong- it has no mouth. Nothing except dark blue eyes._

_I am trapped between two worlds, one light and one dark, and I'm afraid to find out which one I belong in._

"Jesus, Four. You'll bring the whole fucking compound down around our heads."

I open my eyes. Christina is standing on the other side of the room, her arms crossed and a smug look on her face that I desperately want to slap off.

"You were screaming in your sleep," she informs me.

"Oh." I sit up and start to put on my shoes. I need to see Tris, even if I can't talk to her, even if she's unconscious. I need to make myself believe that she's still alive. I tell myself that she is, but irrational fears are not calmed by rational thoughts.

"What were you dreaming about?"

I glare at her and get up, running a hand through my unruly hair.

Hey, don't look at me like that. I'm just curious," she says, moving away from the door. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

If I told her, I'd have to explain that Tris is pregnant. And although I'm going to have to tell her eventually, I want to think first. The last thing I need is Cara lecturing me about being irresponsible and Christina being bossy and Zeke asking awkward questions.

No, today is not the day.

"I can't remember," I lie, and walk out of the room, grabbing a muffin off a tray in the hallway. They're the kind Tris always stole from me when I wasn't looking- the thought gives me a pang, and for a while I just stand there with the muffin in the palm of my hand.

My Tris.

Ever so slowly, I twist my arm to the side, and the muffin falls to the ground, breaking in half on the clean white tiles.

I run.

I don't know where I'm going, but soon enough I end up outside the door to the genealogy room. I find the chart with Tris's name on it, and I trace it over and over again with the tip of a finger.

Am I truly my own person? I think so. I feel like I am. But I look in the mirror and see my father's eyes, and the scars my father gave me. If I look inside, will I see my father's heart as well? I'm afraid that the monster inside me is about to swallow me, swallow me whole and eat the only family I have left as well. I don't want to hurt Tris. I don't want to hurt the baby.

But maybe Marcus didn't, either. At least in the beginning. When I saw him last, he was completely swallowed by the darkness.

Trapped between two worlds. Light and dark. Myself and my father. Are they -_we_- one and the same?

I leave the room and start the trek to the hospital wing, so distracted that I almost run down Nita. I mumble an apology and keep walking, hooping to avoid a confrontation. She turns and jogs to catch up with me. I walk faster.

"I heard about what happened to your girlfriend," she says. "I'm sorry."

I stop walking and glance sideways- she is looking at me with pity in her eyes. Pity, and something else.

Tris was always suspicious of Nita, afraid that she was interested in me for more than just my genetic code. I wasn't so sure then, but now I think that maybe she was right after all.

"Oh. Um, thanks, I guess."

"I know it's not the best time, but I have something to show you." She shifts on her feet and looks up at me imploringly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I have somewhere to be," I tell her, and turn down the corridor that leads to the hospital wing.

I don't want to see Nita right now, and I sure as hell don't want to involve myself in anything she thinks she needs to show me. I don't want to see anyone except for Tris. I sit down in the chair next to her bed, holding her hand and wondering if this is the way the world ends.


	3. The Choices We Make

**Musical inspiration for this chapter: Stranger by Skrillex and Just One Yesterday by Fall Out Boy.**

**Tobias**

We're all quiet at dinner. Zeke just pushes his food around on his plate, and Christina for once doesn't seem to have anything to say. Thankfully, Nita is nowhere to be seen. I feel kind of bad for blowing her off earlier, but I don't want to get caught up in any more of her crazy ideas. I'm done with all that.

Behind me, someone clears their throat. I turn around. Matthew stands there, gripping a tray, his glasses balanced awkwardly on the end of his nose. For one painful moment, he looks like Caleb.

"Can I sit here?" he asks, his voice quiet.

I shrug. "I guess," I say. He slides in between me and Christina, pushing his glasses up his face.

"I heard about what happened to Tris," he mumbles at the floor. "I'm really sorry. I should've volunteered-"

"Oh, you're _sorry_, are you?" Christina says viciously. "You've only known her for, what, a couple weeks, and-"

"Hey, now," Cara says mildly placing a comforting hand on Christina's shoulder. She glares and shrugs it off. "There's no call to be rude."

Christina seems like she's going to continue her rant anyway, for a moment. I give her a warning look, and she ducks her head, muttering fury under her breath. Matthew grimaces and starts shoveling the food into his mouth faster than I would have thought possible. I raise an eyebrow at Christina.

"I'm sorry," Christina quickly amends. "I know you're her friend too. It's just...I don't know. Being sorry doesn't really help anything, you know? She's still comatose, and pity isn't going to change that. And I just... I miss her. I really, really do." She sniffles, and I notice that her eyes are puffy and bloodshot.

"We all do," I say. "Matthew, feel free to ignore her. She was Candor before she was Dauntless, and she just says whatever comes into her head. No filter."

Christina grins a little at that. "Filters are for cigarettes and coffee. Two things I could use right now, incidentally. They don't happen to serve coffee with dinner, do they?"

I roll my eyes, and Matthew chokes on his salad. He holds up a hand, swallows, and says, "that's really not healthy."

"What?"

"Drinking coffee at night. The caffeine can cause sleeplessness, anxiety-"

"Oh, God. Here we go," Zeke mutters, slamming his head down on the table. "You goddamned Erudite types never shut up." I snort and break a piece off of my chocolate chip cookie, tossing it at his head. It bounces off his skull and hits the table, and he holds up one finger.

Matthew ignores us and prattles on. Cara listens intently, interrupting him every so often to make a comment or an argument. Christina just stares at Matthew until he raises his eyebrows.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" he asks her. "Do I have something on my face?"

She shakes her head. "You remind me of someone that I used to know. An Erudite, actually. We were in the same initiate class." Cara gives Christina something that isn't so much a smile as a twist of the mouth and turns away.

Matthew must know, from the emotion in her voice, that they were more than just friends, but he doesn't press the subject. Instead, he leans back in his chair and addresses me and Zeke. "What was initiation like?" he asks. "I mean, I've seen the footage, but there's only so much you can find out from a camera, you know?"

"The physical stuff was fun," Zeke says. "I got to beat the shit out of everyone else on a daily basis. Not so much the fear landscapes, though." He shudders. "I wouldn't want to go through that again even if you offered me this whole fucking compound."

"Agreed," Christina says. "It was horrible. I got attacked by an entire swarm of moths- all those wings and legs and furry bug bodies-"

"You're afraid of _moths_?" Cara says incredulously. Christina glowers.

"Got a problem with that?"

I say nothing. For most Dauntless, the fear landscapes were a personal hell, but it was different with me. Before I met Tris, my goal was to become completely fearless- I went through my landscape multiple times in a week, but nothing ever changed. I became obsessive and frustrated, with an acidic temperament to rival Eric's.

That was before Tris taught me that there were more important things in life. Such as love.

I think of the unborn child growing inside her, and suddenly I have a ridiculous wish to go through my landscape just one more time, to see how much it has changed because of this revelation.

What monsters would I find this time, lurking in the shadows?

"Are you okay, Four?" Cara asks. "I mean, obviously you're not but you look a little less okay than usual."

"Just thinking about Tris," I say, pushing the thoughts of the pregnancy to the back of my mind. "I'm going back to see her after I finish eating."

Zeke fidgets with a piece of string from his uniform. "They're unplugging Uriah tonight," he says suddenly. I feel a flash of guilt at the strained look on his face. _My fault, all my fault. If I hadn't gone with Nita, this wouldn't have happened._

"I'd like you guys to be there," he continues, not meeting my eyes. I tense, and force myself to nod.

These are choices that we can't erase, the story of a war written in scars and ink on our bodies, in the pain and death of the ones closest to our hearts.

I made my choice. These are the consequences.

.

Cara walks behind me and Christina as we go towards the hospital. Zeke is already there with Hana, saying his private goodbyes. Not that it's any use; Uriah can't hear them. That part of him is already long gone. In essence, he's already dead.

Only his body remains, and the cold machines beating his heart.

Christina and I don't speak, but I know our thoughts are both fixed on Uriah, on his last breaths. Before the accident, she spent a lot of time alone with him. She must be reliving those memories, and although she's insisted that they never had a romantic relationship, the look in her eyes makes me wonder.

Evelyn waits by the observation window outside Uriah's room. She rode back with us, but I haven't seen her since Amar and I left her in the truck to find out more about what happened during our absence. She tries to touch my shoulder and I pull away, not wanting her comfort. I don't deserve comfort.

Inside, Zeke and Hana stand on either side of Uriah. They each hold one of his hands, and they're both crying. A doctor stands by the heart monitor, holding a clipboard out, not to Zeke or Hana but to David, who's sitting in a wheelchair by the door. I know his memory was wiped and that he's still technically the leader of the compound, but the sight of him still fills me with complete and utter hatred. I have never wanted to kill someone so badly- not even Marcus or Jeanine.

He tried to take the memories of a city full of innocent people - he tried to kill Tris.

I clench my hands into fists, and my nails draw blood from my palms. My teeth are gritted and after a moment I realize I'm actually growling at him.

"Tobias. Calm. Down." Evelyn says, reaching for my hand. This time, I don't pull away. I force my muscles to relax as I focus on what's happening.

Zeke and Hana join their free hands over Uriah's body. Hana's lips are moving, but I can't hear what she's saying- praying, maybe. I wouldn't know. The Abnegation honor death with service and silence, not with words. I feel my rage ebbing, and I'm lost in grief for Uriah. My best friend's brother, and my friend too, but not for long enough for his humor to get in my blood. Not nearly long enough.

The doctor flips some switches, and the machines stop breathing for Uriah. Zeke's shaking, and his mother squeezes his hand tightly. She says one last word, and her hands spring open, letting Uriah go.

I promised Zeke I'd look out for his brother.

Instead, I killed him.

I walk away from the window, leaving my friends behind. It's not long before I start running again, careless, blind, empty.

.

**Tris**

_Tonight Uriah joins the group that calls to me from the other side, and I know that he is dead too. I bow my head in silent grief, but I can't go with him. I'm not done here yet, I'm not._

_I'm not quite dead yet._

_The numbing cold creeps in, and my feet hurt from wandering this dark place. I want to go back, to Tobias and Christina, to the life that waits for me._

_I need to break free from this cage. The trouble is, I don't know how._

_The voices are loud and I can no longer hear the beat of my heart, but I close my eyes and curl up on the hard ground. I feel a warmth in my fingertips and for a moment I think I hear Christina, and Tobias, but then they're gone as quickly as they came._

_The darkness pulls me back under._


	4. Truth

**This chapter was inspired by: Nicotine by Panic! At the Disco and Salt Skin by Ellie Goulding.**

**Tobias**

I stare at the light coming in from under the door and listen to the sounds of five people breathing. I'm reminded, suddenly, of my first night in Dauntless, doing the same thing, finally free of my father and the fear he carried with him.

I can't sleep tonight- I've always had a busy mind, and right now I just can't seem to shut it off. It's past midnight, and I know I need sleep desperately, but logic never seems to help.

A few beds away, Caleb rolls over and mutters in his sleep. I haven't talked to him since I got back from the city. In fact, I've been actively avoiding him, selfish coward that he is, for letting Tris go in his place. I think I'm starting to hate him- he won't even risk his neck to save his own sister. So much for being raised in Abnegation, he's an Erudite through and through.

I take another breath, and the walls close in on me.

I have to get out of here.

I don't bother to put on shoes. I just slip out the door, closing it gently behind me, and tiptoe down the hallway. It's pitch dark except for the pale blue safety lights hanging from the ceiling. This is calming; I've grown to love the dark since I chose Dauntless, and now memories of home tease my mind and propel me forward.

The hospital wing is most certainly closed to visitors at this hour, but I've broken rules before. I duck behind a corner as a portly maintenance man shuffles past with a flashlight. As soon as he's gone, I keep moving, swift and silent as Amar taught me.

Even in the dim light, I have no trouble finding Tris's room. I pause with my hand on the doorknob- I already know what I'm going to see. The image of Tris lying comatose seems to be painted on the inside of my eyelids, and did I really just sneak here from the dormitory to stare at her unconscious body?

If I keep this up, I'm going to break myself.

But I'm already too far gone. I start to push the door just as someone grabs my wrist.

I freeze.

It's Nita. Even in the dark, her eyes shine. I slowly exhale and release the knob, but she doesn't let go of me.

"What are you doing?" I hiss under my breath.

"I could ask you the same question," she retorts, her voice soft and low. "I told you I needed to talk to you."

"You followed me," I accuse, yanking my arm out of her grip and moving away. I don't want her touching me.

"I told you, it's important."

"That doesn't give you an excuse to stalk me."

She sighs and leans against the door. "Fair enough. If you come with me, I'll leave you alone after I show you. Please. This is something you need to know about."

I swear quietly. "Fine." Anything to get her to stop harassing me. "But this better be good."

"It will be, I promise." I follow her back down the corridor, down a flight of stairs, and through a maze of hallways so confusing that I soon lose all sense of time and direction. Finally, we reach an area where there is no light at all, and I have to take her hand as she leads me through a doorway and down yet another set of stairs.

There is a large metal door at the bottom. Nita punches a code into a keypad, and it retracts into the wall to reveal a brightly lit laboratory, filled with computers and data and people- GD's, mostly- bending over machines. To my surprise, Amar is with them, seated in front of a computer. He grins and waves me over.

I don't smile back.

"So what's so important that you had to drag me all the way here to tell me about it?" I ask, looking from Amar to Nita and back again.

"Look." Nita gestures at the monitor and I see that it's set up like the screens in the control room- the display is divided into eight parts, each showing a video feed from a different part of the city. My chest contracts.

"So?" I say. "They're the video feeds from my city. I've seen those already."

"No." Nits says emphatically, shaking her head. "You don't get. The leaders aren't going to tell the people in the experiments the truth. They're just going to keep running them, even though they realize that there's no real difference between GP's and GD's."

"And that matters because?"

"They say it's safer for the subjects in the city. That they still want to study human behavior. I don't think that's right. As a former test subject, I think they deserve to know the truth. And we're going to try to tell it to them. "

This shuts me up for a good minute. The truth can change everything; that is one of the many things the war taught me. But would it really be better to tell them the truth and thrust them out into a bleeding, dying society? Wouldn't it be kinder to keep them in the city, safe and happy?

The truth, in this case, might be as good as a death sentence. "There is no 'we'," say, my voice strong and clear. "I don't want a part of this."

Nita bites her lip and nods, and leads me back to the hospital wing without a word.

.

**Tris**

_There is a deep, dull ache of missing something, nested in my chest. I've spent a lifetime trying to figure it out. Tonight the answer finally comes to me._

_I'm missing Tobias. That's all. It's that simple- it's that complicated._

_The tall Abnegation man stands guard at the gate tonight, and I know he will not let me through._

**This is the part where you post a review.**


	5. Battle Scars

_The I.V. and your hospital bed_  
_This was no accident_  
_This was a therapeutic chain of events_

**Camisado by Panic! At the Disco**

* * *

**This chapter is brought to you by: Camisado by Panic! At the Disco, Dead in the Water by Ellie Goulding, and Turning Tables by Adele.**

**I own nothing but the plot and my kindle. :)**

**Tobias**

The next morning is colder than usual, and Zoe appears to tell us that there's a blizzard on the way. She goes over emergency procedures with us, but nobody really listens to her- they're all too busy trying to force themselves awake. I didn't sleep at all last night, but I'm not tired. Dauntless initiation taught me that sleep can be a luxury, not a necessity. A couple of caffeine pills, and I'll probably be good to go.

The entire compound has an air of urgency as people run around, checking the emergency power generator and finishing up tasks outdoors. Me, I just stand around and watch until Amar finds me.

"Hey, Tobias," he says cheerfully, clapping me on the shoulder.

I mutter something unintelligible in response. I can't even look him in the eye after what I found out last night.

"Do you want to help us place some of the scientific instruments? We're hoping to study this storm system, try to find out what causes it and things like that. The history books say we used to know, but a lot of that information was lost during the Purity Wars. It won't take very long."

"No thank you," I tell him as stiffly as possible. I leave him standing in the middle of the lobby, a confused expression on his face.

I can't believe that the Amar I know would ever fall for something as stupid as Nita's plan. What does she want, exactly? Another overthrow of the government? The racism between GD's and GP's is gone for good, the way she's wanted from the beginning.

Maybe she just likes being in charge- when there's dissent, she has power. But in peacetime, she's just another worker. Invisible, unheard.

Alone.

At breakfast I'm even quieter than usual, but nobody takes notice. Christina and Matthew are sitting together again, arguing over something new. It's not serious, though, because they're both grinning and gently shoving each other. Zeke is absent, and Cara is about to fall asleep with her face in her oatmeal. I eat as fast as possible and return to the hospital wing just as visiting hours start. Tris's condition hasn't changed much- she's still dead to the world, dependent on her machines, although she seems a little less pale than yesterday. It may be just my imagination though.

I sit in the plastic chair next to her bed and hold her hand until the nurse appears. She aims a cheerful grin at me and starts messing with the machines, furiously scribbling on a clipboard. I watch her movements, trying to decide if she was a sympathizer or if she's forgotten her old live and trying to learn how to live a new one. After she finishes her work, she turns to me expectantly.

"Um, hi?" I contort my face into something resembling a smile and give her a tiny wave.

"Hello, I'm Alison," she says, beaming. "Are you Beatrice's boyfriend?"

I nod. "Yes, I'm Four. It's nice to meet you," I say politely.

"So you're the father, then."

Another nod. I try not to look too pissed at the thought of Tris with someone else.

"Well, Beatrice is ten days along, and she and the baby are doing very well. We've added some prenatal vitamins to her diet to help boost her metabolism for the baby, and we'll do the first ultrasound in about five weeks."

The nurse's voice trails off as someone clears their throat from the doorway. I look up.

Christina stands with her arms crossed and a death glare on her face. "Tris is _pregnant? _And just when were you planning to tell me about this, _Four_?" she says, spitting the words out through gritted teeth.

Uh-oh. Shit's about to go down.

"I... I..." I stutter, feeling the flush creep up my face. "They told me the day I got back and... I needed time-"

"You've _had_ time. It's been seven fucking days. That's a whole _week. _I'm her friend too, you goddamned bastard. Don't you think I deserve to know, too?"

I can't answer. I just stare at her, unable to think of anything to say. God, I'm such an asshole.  
I should have told them.

"Say something!" she screams, and a single tear drips down her face. "My God, Four, you got her pregnant and you left her here alone, and she got attacked and now you won't even talk to me? You know what? You don't deserve her. She deserves so much better. And now, she's pregnant and she might not even wake up and it's _all your fucking fault,_ you son of a bitch."

She's really crying now, and the tears are pressing in behind my own eyes because she's right. It's all my fault. I got her knocked up and left her here. And even if she hadn't gone in for Caleb, she'd still be pregnant. There are no what ifs here, only blame and more blame and it all falls on me.

The nurse stands helplessly, looking from me to Christina and back again.

"Don't expect me to talk to you for, oh, about the next ten years or so," she says coldly, and storms out of the room, leaving me alone with my pregnant girlfriend and far less guilt than I deserve.

* * *

**Tris**

_Loud voices and bright lights filter through my consciousness. I'm closer to the surface than I've ever been. He's there, next to me, touching me. I can feel it. I push upward towards the voices, desperately trying to swim._

_But the strange beasts with dark blue eyes catch me and drag me, kicking and screaming _No! _back down into the dark, lonely cave. The river is wide between the other side and where I stand, and I can't see my family._

_I can't even scream anymore, so I curl up into a ball, naked and alone, and lie as still as the rocks and glass that dig into my fragile skin and make me bleed. The scent of blood fills the room and I realize the river is running thick and red. Bones float like driftwood on the surface._

_And no matter how wide I open my mouth and how hard I try, I still can't scream._

* * *

**Well, Christina finally found out about the baby. You're welcome.**

**And hot damn, I would NOT want to get on that girl's bad side. Poor Tobias- it's not really his fault, is it? Well, at least not entirely. Review, and the next chapter will be up even sooner.**

**Be Brave, guys.**


	6. Memories

**A/N: I was planning to post this earlier in the week but I had no time in between finals and tumblr and listening to Fall Out Boy and Panic! At the Disco and basically being a maniac :P**

** So I've gotten a couple of reviews asking about Christina's reaction. Christina blew up at Tobias because she was shocked about the baby and scared for Tris, and since she was raised Candor she just says whatever comes into her head, especially when she's pissed. Of course, she didn't really mean most of what she said...**

**This chapter was brought to you by: What a Catch, Donnie by Fall Out Boy and Little of Your Time by Maroon 5.**

* * *

**Tobias**

I'm curled up in bed with my face in the pillow, walking the line between wakefulness and sleep. I've been here for at least three hours, ever since Christina chewed me out in the infirmary. I can't even take a breath now without thinking about the things I've done, and the guilt is pressing on my chest, making it even harder to sleep. She's still Candor through and through- every single word that came out of her mouth was the truth.

I'm not Dauntless. I'm not a fighter, or a hero. I'm only a sick bastard who knocked up a sixteen year old girl, and then left her to fend for herself in the midst of the war. And sure, it was her own choice to take Caleb's place in the death serum room, but if I'd been there, I could have stopped her. If I'd been there, I don't think she would have gone in the first place. Whereas Caleb the coward jumped at the chance to have someone else die instead of him. Even if that 'someone' was his own sister.

He may have been raised in Abnegation, but he doesn't have a selfless bone in his body.

I'd have killed him by now, but he has her eyes.

The door squeaks on its rusty hinges, and I shift position to face the wall. I don't feel like a lecture from any of my bunkmates, and I sure as hell don't want to face Christina again. So when the intruder sits down on the end of my bed, I close my eyes and feign sleep, desperately hoping they'll leave. Expecting them to lose interest and walk away.

What I don't expect is an apology.

"I'm sorry," Christina says quietly, sniffling. "I didn't mean it. I was just angry, and freaked out because- well, she's sixteen. And in a coma, and you maybe having to raise a kid on your own..."

I grunt and roll over. Her nose is running and her eyes are red and swollen. She runs a hand through her unruly hair and swings her legs over the side.

"I thought you weren't planning to talk to me for ten years?" I say, giving her a halfhearted shove.

She rolls her eyes. "Cara managed to talk some sense into me. And you guys might need some help with the kid. Also, you're one of the few friends I have that hasn't kicked the bucket yet."

I give her a small smile and sit up. "So you've forgiven me, then?"

She glares and shoves me back. "Only for Tris's sake. And you still don't deserve her. But she loves you a lot, I can tell. And what happened with me and... and Will, I don't want to see that again. So yes, I'm willing to forgive you. But don't push it. I can still change my mind. You be good to her from now on, or else."

She gets to her feet and stalks off, slamming the door behind her.

Some days, I really regret teaching her how to win a fight. She scares the shit out of me. I'm not sure how Tris handles her, to be honest. Christina's crazy. But somehow, the guilt is gone and i can breathe again.

I roll over and close my eyes. Before I know it, I'm dreaming.

* * *

**Tris**

"Tag, Caleb! You're it!" I shout, giggling as Susan and I sprint off in the other direction. Here in Abnegation, our families rarely allow us to play like this. they say it's disruptive and inconsiderate of those around us, but tonight they only smile and watch. Caleb turns and chases Aaron, the neighbor boy a year older than us whom Susan considers "handsome".

Personally, I think he's the ugliest eight year old I've ever seen. But that would be hurtful and selfish to say, so I keep the thought to myself.

Susan pulls me behind a tree and we watch as Aaron trips over a root and falls face first in the dirt. Caleb tackles him.

"You're it!" he says gleefully.

"That's not fair, Caleb," Aaron interjects. "I tripped!"

I roll my eyes and turn around. That's when I see him- another boy, no older than Aaron, looking through the window of Marcus Eaton's house. He's watching me. I give him a tiny smile and wave. He waves, but he doesn't smile back.

His eyes are dark blue, a pretty color.

Then suddenly, he's yanked away from the window by an unseen force and the gray curtain falls back into place and it could have been my imagination.

But it wasn't. It wasn't.

_I open my eyes and I'm still here and it's much, much later. My cuts have healed, but my blood still stains the sharp stones, so different from the smooth, round rocks in the Abnegation choosing bowl. My stomach hurts, and so does my head. My tongue is dry but there's no way I'm drinking from the dark river that flows by my feet._

_I think I feel warmth in my hand. I think I hear a girl's voice whispering,"wake up."_

_But it's only my imagination._

_There's no way out of this place._

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**Sorry so short.**

**Review review review ****review review review ****review review review.**


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